Dirt Devil Maggie and More From Crazy Kelly

Laying in the dirt this morning, feels about 78 degrees and sunny.

Life's Little Way of Letting You Know You're Alive, Well, and a Whole Lot Crazy

1. You feel the baby kicking inside your uterus . . . you know, the uterus that delivered her 6-1/2 weeks ago.
2. At 12:55 this morning the police are pounding on your front door because the emergency break on your 12-year old VW doesn't always hold and your car rolled backward out of your driveway and down the steep hill that you live on. Nothing like watching your husband chase a hatchback down the road in his underwear at 1:00 am. Ha! Ha ha ha ha! Oooh, it was worth waking up in the middle of the night just to see that, never mind I couldn't get back to sleep. Completely worth it.
3. You're relieved when your doggy gets to the baby puke before you do, that way you don't have to clean it up. Gag. I know, but so true.
4. You haven't told your husband that your hemoglobin is up to 10.0 mg/dcl yet because he was feeling so sorry for you back when it was less than 8.0. In our relationship, feeling sorry for one's wife = being nice to one's wife. You don't honestly expect me to give up tender loving care, even if it originates from solid pity . . . do ya?
5. You're a little bummed out that you've been given the green light to drive again (the chauffeuring bit was working out quite nicely, TYVM).
6. Your Michigan accent has gotten stronger since moving to California, plus you find yourself throwing in Minnesota-isms ("oh for Pete!") and some Yiddish slang just to keep your new California friends guessing.
7. It's tempting to chew on your dinky-fatso baby's gushy cheeks.
8. You're still terrified of the Ear Man, that pesky fellow who chases you through your sleep night after night trying to remove your ears from your Earthly form. He may or may not be something from your imagination, he's been around such a long time now that you aren't really sure if he's really real or just sort-of real. Just in case, you make sure that your own children's ears are well-hidden when they sleep. As for your husband's ears, well that'll be his own problem when they're snipped off his head by the Ear Man and shipped off to God knows where . . . he just wouldn't listen.
9. You know that the aforementioned Ear Man bit makes you sound like a complete lunatic and you just laugh and don't even consider deleting it.
10. You're considering taking on a 3rd job after maternity leave despite wracking your brains three times daily for ways in which to join up with The Cult of Stay-At-Home Mommies. When I say 'Cult' I didn't mean the bad kind of cult that puts cyanide in Kool-Aid so that you can go chasing after aliens flying around on comets shaped like pelicans, I meant the good kind . . . you know, cause the cult thing usually works out really well for most people. Don't want anyone to think I'm being negative or snooty.