The Bad Child

Soren, on the right, on his 7th birthday with his friend Grant.

There are a lot of very redundant types out there. Lots of people who want to put others into slots and categories, it makes life neater for them. They live in a world of absolutes, where a person is either A or B, a person could never be partly A and partly B. God forbid that person isn't either.

People often ask of me, "which one is the bad one, which one is your problem?", this is a reference to my children. People who think of themselves as the 'good child' love this question, they love to know who the bad ones are. When you have more than a couple of kids, you're bound to get this question. I choose not to answer it.

My kids are neither A, nor B. They are an alphabet of adjectives. Nuttiness. Joy. All that stuff that makes us laugh and glimmer. All that stuff that exasperates us. My children are all of those things, each of them capable of any range of rare expletives and frequent praise worthy events.

Having a sibling helps me understand it from my kids' perspective. My brother and I were different kids. Undoubtedly, we were very categorizable for those who choose to walk through life that way. It's nauseating, really, because it gets you in a rut. In our case, because my brother was the 'smart, good one' (and because Category People love mutual exclusivity) I was always perceived as the 'dumb, bad one'. I wasn't bad, nor dumb but the label stuck. For much our of family, I believe they still think that way. Family has the hardest time with labels, labels don't evolve. All families want to remember are the few dumb and bad things you did, never the smart or good things that you predominated with. Families and their labels. Category People. I snub my nose at you.

It's my brother's birthday. My brother-in-law will celebrate his birthday tomorrow. And most significantly, for me, my darling Soren celebrated his 7th birthday this week. As mommies, we owe it to our children to do a quick and dirty ripping off of all those ugly and not so ugly (remember? smart and good?) labels.

Birthdays are a big deal for kids, but what a lot of people fail to consider is the importance of that day for the woman who is raising that most beautiful son. Birthdays are a chance for a mother to be self-reflective and review the choices she has made. It's another opportunity for us to consider, am I doing the best I can? Is my 'best' good enough? Have I loved and cherished my baby the way he deserves? Have I sincerely apologized and asked for forgiveness when I fell short? And then, most importantly, how am I going to proceed knowing that one of the most, important people on this earth came from me and needs me to make this world stunning?

Mommies everywhere, new and old, our precious children are valuable and deserve us more than we deserve them. Birthdays are our days to remember elation and responsibility that comes with the title of Mommy. And lest we forget, their weaknesses are ours but their strengths are their own.

Happy Birth Day to mommies everywhere. Let's remember our places as lovers of the best that is yet to come.